Becoming Invisible

When a woman is pregnant people say, "She has the glow." There is a strange aura about a pregnant woman. I believe it is the light shinning on her for the last time. It is the last time that people will see her as an individual, and the last time they will notice her.

Shortly after birth the attention is given all to the baby. Sometimes, and I've noticed mostly from other moms, the new mom is asked about how she is doing as though she is still an individual, still a living being and not just a baby-carrier. After a couple of weeks though, this changes too. Phone calls from parents aren't for their children, but their grandchildren. "Wellness checks" to make sure the baby is still alive and doing well. Occassionally, I am asked how I am doing, though for the most part I just tell them that I am fine without being asked. And "fine" usually means there are highs and lows but since you didn't ask, I won't depress you with some of the tougher tribulations.

Maybe this is part of the post-partum sadness and changes that new parents go through. Ironically, my husband has contributed to the group who asks only about Anna. Am I jealous? It sure sounds like it doesn't it!? Truth is, no. I'm glad so many people are interested in knowing how she is doing. I just wish that I wasn't invisible, and that I was asked once in awhile how I am doing too. Some days I am great, loving being a mom and feeling good. Other days I am tired, exhausted and want Anna to stop fussing, or to at least be able to read her mind. Those powers didn't come to me in the delivery room. But, you didn't ask.

So to those of you new mommies, I hope you are well, feeling good or at least hanging in there, and finding creative ways to feel like your old self or incorporating your new member of the family into your old activities without too much brain power or over planning. I hope you are taking care of yourself, showering, eating right and exercising. (Yes, I really wrote showering because that has become a luxury.)

I realize that nothing will ever be the same, but my wish for you is that it is even better than before.