Becoming Invisible

When a woman is pregnant people say, "She has the glow." There is a strange aura about a pregnant woman. I believe it is the light shinning on her for the last time. It is the last time that people will see her as an individual, and the last time they will notice her.

Shortly after birth the attention is given all to the baby. Sometimes, and I've noticed mostly from other moms, the new mom is asked about how she is doing as though she is still an individual, still a living being and not just a baby-carrier. After a couple of weeks though, this changes too. Phone calls from parents aren't for their children, but their grandchildren. "Wellness checks" to make sure the baby is still alive and doing well. Occassionally, I am asked how I am doing, though for the most part I just tell them that I am fine without being asked. And "fine" usually means there are highs and lows but since you didn't ask, I won't depress you with some of the tougher tribulations.

Maybe this is part of the post-partum sadness and changes that new parents go through. Ironically, my husband has contributed to the group who asks only about Anna. Am I jealous? It sure sounds like it doesn't it!? Truth is, no. I'm glad so many people are interested in knowing how she is doing. I just wish that I wasn't invisible, and that I was asked once in awhile how I am doing too. Some days I am great, loving being a mom and feeling good. Other days I am tired, exhausted and want Anna to stop fussing, or to at least be able to read her mind. Those powers didn't come to me in the delivery room. But, you didn't ask.

So to those of you new mommies, I hope you are well, feeling good or at least hanging in there, and finding creative ways to feel like your old self or incorporating your new member of the family into your old activities without too much brain power or over planning. I hope you are taking care of yourself, showering, eating right and exercising. (Yes, I really wrote showering because that has become a luxury.)

I realize that nothing will ever be the same, but my wish for you is that it is even better than before.

Yucky weather

Since the last entry we have had yucky weather. Mostly windy, a bit of rain and even snow yesterday! On the 19th we had your first month check-up with the doctor. It went pretty well. You are great on all of the growth charts, and I learned that your days and nights were turned around. I was advised to give you a "wake-up bath" every time you fell into a deep sleep during the day. I felt like I was water boarding you. Poor thing.

We've had a few visitors since the last writing. It has been nice to see friends again.

My 28th birthday was yesterday and on the 24th your dad took me out to a great dinner at MacKenzie's Chop House, and we dropped you off with Miss Julia. It was our first time paying for a babysitter and brought back childhood memories of our parents going out on date nights. We've come full circle.

I am looking forward to my 6-week check-up with Dr. Ryan. I'm hoping everything is healing up down there and that soon I can go back to working out because I've been feeling pretty fat.

In other news, I was supposed to get my garden key last Saturday but because of bad weather the meetign was post-poned until May 1st. The forecast doesn't look too good, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the old lady who is the president of the gardening club will just hold the meeting anyways. We meet indoors so I'm still confused why weather plays a roll at all.

Photo of the week. Anna hanging out in our bed while I take a shower and daddy makes some coffee. I walked out of the bathroom to find her like this.

The First Month

Can you believe we've been kickin' it out in the real world for a whole month?! I can't. Your Dad was saying yesterday that it felt longer. I feel like it has only be a couple of weeks tops. I guess that's what sleep deprivation will do to you.

Our first month has been marked with many visitors and helping hands. We have appreciated the visits as much as the assistance. We are falling into a routine of sorts, but some days or shall I say nights, have room for improvement. That's ok, we'll get there.

I find myself with conflicting emotions about your first month. I'm happy to say we have all survived it, and WOO-HOO to you being healthy. Though, I am a little sad too because you are growing and changing so much every day. I'm afraid that if I blink I will miss something great. I love you more and more every day Anna girl.

Photo of the Week:
Anna's first pair of sunglasses. Far cooler than the ones we had as kids, 100% protection.

Your nicknames

Anna,

We have called you many things already and I hope you won't grow up to have an identity crisis over it. Here is a list of what we've fondly called you:

Sprout
Anna
Anna Bannana
Anna Girl
Miss A
Booger
Our Turd Bomb
Yellow Devil Child
Peanut
Cupcake
Pumpkin
Squeeky
Squeeks


Love,
Your Mom & Dad

Topsy Turvy

It is the end of our third week already, and it has been quite the week.

Last weekend was very windy so we ran a few errands, but otherwise stayed indoors. By Tuesday I was going a little stir crazy and decided to go to the breastfeeding support group through the hospital. I really wanted to find out what else I could do to make more milk. A harsh reality fell upon me that nothing else in the medical field could help me bring in or make more milk. With this news from the lactation consultants, I went over to my OB's office where I was told the same thing and was also told to stop taking the Reglan as it is a depressant and they don't want new moms on it for more than two weeks. Now I really was depressed, and feeling a whole new mix of emotions. I felt defeated, disappointed, and a general sense of loss and a lack of connectivity to Anna. I still get a little sad over that last part. I try to remind myself that there are many more ways we will be able to connect as she grows.

Susan arrived on Wednesday as did my first listing. Both were exciting and we all went out to Jose Muldoon's for dinner to celebrate. Thursday was very busy trying to get my work done (the first real day of work it seems) and I was grateful to have an extra set of hands at home. I felt guilty about how good it felt to get out of the house and take care of things, but didn't feel guilty about leaving Anna behind. Strange. Later that afternoon I went on my first walk/hike in long time and we were out for a little over an hour. It felt good and I'm looking forward to getting out more as the weather gets nicer. Jon took Friday off and we went to Garden of the Gods, Manitou Springs, and the new Costco. It was so gorgeous outside we grilled out steaks for dinner. Saturday was another busy but fun day of hiking out at Red Rock Canyon.
On Friday and Saturday the weather was great and we picniced our lunches both days. (picture was taken at Garden of the Gods, Scotsman Picnic Area)

Anna, you have been getting into a bad habit of being a fussy-butt at night and a princess during the day. I would ideally like you to be a princess around the clock. That's my vote. Your dad and I have been debating about getting a co-sleeper aka "The bread box", but we have made no moves toward the door to actually buy it. It is a little box that we would put in between us in our bed. You lay in it and you are right there. The pros: You would be right there when you start to fuss, and we wouldn't have to get out of bed to fetch you. The cons: You would be in our bed. You would be blocking us from "talking". You may think our bed is your bed and we will never get you out of it. I would literally be around you 24-7 WHICH don't get me wrong, I love you, but I also need grown-up time and just me time. I wouldn't be able to be a good mommy to you without it.

Photo of the week:
Wisconsin Badger "Jump Around" onesie. The Story: During the 3rd quarter at the Badger games, the song Jump Around by House of Pain is played. The entire student section jumps around. Years ago, it was determined by some engineers that the critcal frequency was at its height during the jumping around. This is a potentially dangerous thing as the structure of the stadium could falter. Nonetheless, the student governing board passed a resolution to allow this to continue after the administration had banned it at one game. Speaking of Badger gear...you received a new Badger onesie from Aunt Linnea and Uncle Ben. It is super cute!

Grandma & Grandpa Sanderfoot's Visit

It's funny what a tiny new person will do to adults. Adults suddenly start talking softer, cuter, non-sensical at times and are pleased with a tiny smile or grin...even if it is gas related. Adults will make cross-country trips, cry at the first sight, or last (at least for the end of a trip). A baby can make its parents question everything they thought before, render them speechless, make them cry and make them laugh; sometimes within minutes. A baby can bring out the soft side that the rest of the world doesn't see as often in each other. All of these wonderful gifts, Anna has brought to our home in a short two weeks.

Grandma and Grandpa Sanderfoot came to visit us over the past week. They arrived last Saturday and left today (Friday, which sadly is called Good Friday in relation to Easter, but has left me feeling blue). We had a great visit with some sight-seeing, dining out, good conversations, but most of all they just loved all over Anna.


I am thinking of doing a photo of the week. So here is my favorite of this week. This was taken right after Anna's first "real" bath. She didn't seem to know what to think about sitting in warm water while getting lathered up. Luckily, Grandma and Grandpa had just arrived and Grandma was able to quickly pacify Anna. This picture looks like Anna is mischeviously plotting revenge.